Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
