Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
