Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
