haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
They have beer where we have blood.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize