don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
