She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
