Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
