sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
