Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Are we still banned from the library?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
