shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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