guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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