If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
