after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
