check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
