He asked to "fluff my boner.."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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