Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Fuck appropriateness.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
