gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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