She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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