She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
