So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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