So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
