I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
