I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
