I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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