So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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