Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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