sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
