I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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