Your tits are I can't wait for
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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