well I can't set my house on fire every night
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
