You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize