just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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