So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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