i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize