I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
