I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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