He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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