Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
