I molested 6 butterflies tonight
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
