i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
