Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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