I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
