if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
