Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
