hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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