I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize