i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
