he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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