i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
