what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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