If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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