do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
wow bdsm is so cute
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
