What did we do last night that was yellow?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We got so high we made milksteak
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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