at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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