Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
they're like a gay fantastic four
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
