Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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