I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize