You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize