We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
