We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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