i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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