i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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