Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
