I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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