Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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