video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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