Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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