We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
