I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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