It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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