Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
