Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
