That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
