I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
