I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
