cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
