I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
