just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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