At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
