I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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