Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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