So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
