People in love make me want to vomit
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
