i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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