ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am available for nakedness
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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