I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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