In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
