My hand turned me down
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
