You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
