i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
