Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
